I was married for a really long time. I won’t go into the exact date because it ages me. In fact, this article is meant to inspire you by giving hope. And give you healthy tips on how to get out of a funk after you’ve been dumped. This is me I’m not much of a barfly. And even if I was with Covid and all, you really can’t go there. But let’s be real online dating can be so impersonal.

Online Dating Can Be Interesting

Swipe left or swipe right seems easy enough.  Then why do all my friends say it’s work? That’s right it’s hard work.  I wanted to crack the code on this online dating thing. Why are some people successful and others not?

Getting Started Dating

Talking to someone you don’t know is awkward. Small talk is boring. And then the amount of time that goes by between each message is ridiculous. No wonder why people get frustrated with these dating apps. I mean you can’t check the app all the time. And I can’t expect them to check the app all the time either.

If you are like most of us we want to find that special someone. Now you tell me is a bar really the place you want to meet your future mate? You’re investing so much time just to go out and hope you meet someone. And then you see a cute person but you have no idea if they are even single. All primping and time it took for you to get ready and they don’t even talk to you at all.. And then you meet some gross inappropriate people out there that make it even more awkward. What is a single person to do?

What app is the best out there? 

There really are all kinds of apps. Apps where the women make the first move, apps where the men make the first move. And then there are the ones that I’m not sure who is supposed to make a move. 

But you’re going to have to start somewhere. For me, I tried POF, Bumble, and Tinder. Are there better apps?  Probably!  Is one better than the other?  It depends on who you’re talking to, and what they are looking for. It might even depend on the day of the week. 

What Started My Journey

One of my friends had met her husband online. So, I asked her what her secret was. She said she went on 32 dates, and she was just about to give up, and on the 32nd date, she knew instantly he was the guy. So I think to myself, OK, I’m up for the challenge. I’ll do 30 dates in 30 days.  

Oh hell yeah, I did 30 dates in 30 days. Sometimes I felt like I was living in the romantic comedy movie “Love Guaranteed.” I would even have three dates in one day so that I would meet my monthly goal.   I know you’re gonna think that’s crazy, but it was easier for me to get dressed up one time and go on three dates and call it a day.  It sounds exhausting, but to tell you the truth, it was quite fun.

Out of the 30 dates, I only met four guys that I would go on a second date with. And only three of those I would go on a third date with. 

Did I meet a great guy? Hell YEAH,  I did!  He was contestant number seven. LOL. Did I continue on my 30 dates? Yes, I did. I just wanted to make sure that I had no doubt that he was the one.

But let me give you some dating tips when dating online. 

1. only set up coffee, juice, or soda dates. They’re short, inexpensive, and you’re really gonna get to see how you interact with that person. Plus you’re not stuck with them for a long time. They’re not out a lot of money. And if they can’t afford a five-dollar coffee for me they can’t afford me. 

2. Set your date up in an open area Starbucks, Jamba Juice, or any cute little coffee shop.

3. When you post your photos online make sure you look like your photos don’t photoshop so much they can’t even recognize you. I got remarks all the time that says I can’t believe you actually look like your picture. And I want them to look like their picture as well, so if they show up on a date and they don’t look like their photos I’m disappointed. You don’t want the person that you’re out on a date with to be disappointed either.

4. You don’t have to do all your interview questions on the first date. Remember you barely know the person he doesn’t want to get grilled the second he sits down.  Get to know them a little bit. And still, keep your options open just because you’re dating him doesn’t mean you don’t need to date somebody else as well. And I’m not talking about sleeping with everybody. Keep your legs closed, guys like that. Even if you have a high libido and you want to knock uglys between the sheets.  There is a time and place for everything you just have to wait it out. 

My best tip for online dating is just to have fun with it, and let the cool wind blow in your hair.

By Heather Winfield to Find me on Facebook just click.

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  • Jenna Sage

    Absolutely! Authenticity is key in dating. Embrace your true self and share genuine, unfiltered moments to connect on a deeper level. Let’s celebrate being real and present in the dating world

  • Laura Hendrickson

    Nice job Heather! This is great info…. I’ve actually been active for the last 6 or so years and have every story in the book but I’m extremely picky so I count to 100 (usually swipping left) and I call it a day. I’ve met some FANTASTIC men, but for me… I’m just too tall and don’t enjoy feeling like a sister or a mother.

    My advise. Figure out how you want to feel around someone, become the best version of yourself, make a simple list of how they look and what they value and then think about where you will find that type of guy! Be active, enjoy your conversations and express what you want… I just think if we all work together, then we can help each other meet our twin flame. There are plenty of people to love and be loved and if I can support someone to find the right one, then it’s time to celebrate and just share the love and joyfulness of being happy!

  • Marc

    Point #3, with all the photo apps and filters many ladies are posting pics that look many years younger and more beautiful than they actually are. Maybe that is why you don’t get a second date from a guy you were interested in.

  • Tishenkel, David

    Ok. I am actually a longtime good friend of your #7 and I need actual evidence that he was better than 29 other guys. I am still on the fence here…

  • Nathaniel Brown

    Great job Heather! I really like the advice of being true to yourself and posting real, current pictures of yourself without much photoshop.

  • Steven Campbell

    It has been many years since I was in the dating scene but, when I was, I had a great time. Three dates in a day was my limit. My secretary at the time helped me set things up. Where is that woman now?!! I don’t know you but I have come to know you because I know many of your RSF friends. I have a great wife now and we enjoy everything we do. This was a great article you wrote. Stay happy, stay sexy, stay positive and laugh a lot. I wish you the very best!

  • Karen

    It would help if the men didn’t keep their “secret website scoring page” where they evaluate and condemn and lie about the women that they talk to on the apps. Deny or discontinue with the wrong guy and you are blacklisted for life – based on slander. Don’t other men know that other men LIE? Come on guys.

  • Col Robert Brooke

    YES, I liked your story! You are correct, keep it simple, don’t try to figure it all out on the first date! Take your time and don’t rush! I highly recommend you use my 10 Best Things to look for! Now these should be the 10 Items you need, in order to date someone! Make it your list, not mine! All this can happen before you two meet! Yes, to tea and coffee first, then see if the chemistry is there or not? Without chemistry, you just have HEAT! 1. Good Looking, 2.Fit, likes to dress up, no t-shirt and jeans for me! 3. No Baggage and it is up to you, to decide, what you consider baggage : Kids, No Kids, Been Married, Dog or cat person! Remember, it is only what you consider baggage, no one else! 🙂 4. Wants to get married, 5. Has a job and can afford to go out! 6. Is willing to be there for you, in other words, a loving person and naturally, this one may take some time to figure out? 7. No Drugs, No Excessive drinking! 8. Does not live w mum or dad – Big problem! 🙁 9. Has a nice car 10. Will be glad to take you out and show you off to their friends!, Extra considerate! 11. Will not give you his address or home number – Married 12. Can’t see you on the weekends or can only see you during the week – Married! 13. Is trustworthy! Now, after you have the information you need, as this is your list and do not deviate from it, you may go for tea or coffee! Happy Hunting! 🙂

  • Peter Wrobel

    You are the best Heather💙 You’ve done this very mature, planned with common sense, not losing your good energy, and having fun too. Growth mindset. Thank you for sharing your experience 🐦

  • Susan Duckworth

    Online is tough, but manageable! Go with your intuition, it has your best interest in mind! You are so cool, Heather!! I’m glad you found your guy, he’s the lucky one!!

  • Traci H

    That’s great Heather!! I met my last long term (5years) relationship on Ok Cupid. I’ve gone on and off Tinder and Bumble so many times because there are so many scammers and it’s exhausting. I recently met a man that I’ve been dating the last 3 months… I don’t think it will go anywhere, but at least my swiping thumbs can take a break!! I love your tips…. I may have to try them the next time I find myself activating my apps again!

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